OMGWTFBIBLE Goes Weekly!

Exodus begins! And I call it “Names!”

But wait? What’s that? 23.1? Why the decimal? For now on, I’ll be recording an entire Torah portion, or “parsha”, as the Jews call it, each month at one big live show. Then, the very long show will be released as four-part episodes over the course of the month, making this a weekly show!

This episode was recorded at Beauty Bar in New York City.

There are so many ways to listen to Episode 23.1!

You can listen using the SoundCloud thingie above or by downloading here. Explore our SoundCloud and listen to past episodes here.

You can also: subscribe in iTunes, subscribe via RSS, or listen via Stitcher!

Porn Lady Reads the Shulchan Aruch (NSFW)

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The Shulchan Aruch is a massive anthology of Jewish law (aka halacha) compiled in 1565 in Venice by Rabbi Joseph Karo that is still considered authoritative by many Jewish sects. It is also a prop in this porn clip for some reason.

Perhaps the volume was sitting around whatever house this was filmed in and the producers thought it would make a clever intro to the sexytimes. But the actors’ ad-libs raise more questions that they should. Such as:

  • Is Liv Aguilera’s character pretending to read Hebrew or did her in-laws really teach it to her as she claims? She does know when it’s upside-down!
  • Who are her in-laws?
  • Are they her husband’s family?
  • Did she convert to marry him?
  • If she’s married, why is she having sex with this random dude whose relationship to her is never explained? Is she in an open relationship?
  • Which volume of the Shulchan Aruch is she reading?
  • Does she have a chavruta (study partner)? Does she want one?

I don’t have the answers to these questions. But I do have the very NSFW video, linked below the fold.

Continue reading

No Wives, Only Slaves: Crosspost With SAB

This is a guest post I wrote for Skeptic’s Annotated Bible. Read the full post here.

OMGWTFBIBLE is a new translation of the entire Hebrew Bible as a comedy. But that doesn’t mean I don’t take my translation very seriously. Beyond all the jokes, in retranslating Genesis, I’ve discovered two trends that reveal the approach to women and property taken in the culture surrounding the text that are not apparent in existing translations.

One of the earliest decisions I made when writing the OMGWTFBIBLE was to maintain an almost megalomaniacal consistency. If a word was translated a particular way, I stuck with that translating, regardless of context or traditional approaches. This led to some striking discoveries in Genesis, particularly regarding the words usually translated as “wife” and “servant.” I discovered that, depending on how the book is translated, nobody gets married in Genesis. And everyone owns slaves. And it’s not a coincidence those two words are so controversial.

Read the rest here.

11 Days Left!

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There are just 11 days left to donate to OMGWTFBIBLE’s IndieGogo campaign! Head here now to help me keep this show going. Every donor from now until the end of the campaign will be automatically entered into a drawing for a $200 gift certificate to Fluent City!

Exodus Live Premiere

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EXODUS IS COMING

I am kicking off Exodus on August 25th with Special Guest Mordechai Levovitz of Jewish Queer Youth. It’s going to be spectacular! And a little longer than usual! Check out the Facebook event here!

OMGWTFBIBLE Live / Mordechai Levovitz
Beauty Bar
231 E. 14th Street
August 25th; 8:00 PM
FREE!
21+
FREE FOOD

Ken Ham is Bad at Hebrew

Via Getty Images

In a glaringly stupid blog post, intellectual lightweight and Answers in Genesis non-mastermind Ken Ham calls out NASA for spending money on space exploration:

I’m shocked at the countless hundreds of millions of dollars that have been spent over the years in the desperate and fruitless search for extraterrestrial life. Even Bill Nye “the Science Guy,” in our recent debate, happily gloated about tax dollars being spent toward this effort. And now, secular scientists are at it again.

His reasoning? The Bible clearly says the Earth is special and God made it that way:

Secularists cannot allow earth to be special or unique—that’s a biblical idea (Isaiah 45:18). If life evolved here, it simply must have evolved elsewhere they believe. The Bible, in sharp contrast to the secular worldview, teaches that earth was specially created, that it is unique and the focus of God’s attention (Isaiah 66:1 and Psalm 115:16).

Unfortunately for Ken, the Bible doesn’t say that. The Hebrew in Isaiah 45:18, Isaiah 66:1, and Psalm 115:16 does not explicitly say that God made our planet uniquely special. In all three of those verses, the Hebrew word used is ארץ, which simply means “ground.” Setting aside the fact that this stuff was written before modern astronomy, “ground” doesn’t necessarily mean “only Earth.” Even if עולם, which often means “world,” was used, he’d still be wrong, since that word can also mean “universe.”

The thing that frustrates me most about religion is when its loudest advocates often don’t have any idea what they’re talking about.

<h/t: Raw Story, Huffington Post, Gawker>

Sponsor An Episode!

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There’s a new perk up at the OMGWTFBIBLE Indiegogo! Now, if you donate $250 or more, you can be the official sponsor for an entire Exodus episode! That means you get a mug, a T-shirt, and you get an episode dedicated to you. Your name will be plastered all over it, you’ll get to chat with me for 30 minutes over Skype (or phone) beforehand, and you’ll get the official script used on stage. But hurry! There are only 11 of this perk available!

Jews Censor the Bible

A censored version of the book of Genesis.

I think the Hasidim are starting to catch on to how crazy the Torah is. According to FailedMessiah, the Skvere community of Hasidim in New Square, New York has created a somewhat pared-down version of the Five Books of Moses to use at their Bais Tziporah girls school.

This version has removed some of the more racy stuff from the story. Y’know, like the dual narratives of the creation of the world, the story of Eden, all that Cain and Abel stuff, and the flood. FailedMessiah suggests that it’s because these stories are about *GASP* people who aren’t “Jewish.”

Also kept out are the stories of Yehudah, Tamar, Er, and Onan (Episode 18) and of Yoseph and Potiphar’s woman (also Episode 18!). Shockingly, the story of Dinah is left in (Episode 16), presumably to warn young Jewish women of the dangers of loving uncircumcised men.

If you can read Hebrew, you can tell what’s missing here (the whole Potiphar thing).

People sometimes tell me my podcast is inappropriate. It’s not my show that’s inappropriate, it’s the Bible.

<h/t: Motti Schleider>

Episode 22

Behold! The extra-long Genesis Finale Episode 22 of OMGWTFBIBLE with a whole pile of guests is now available!

This episode was recorded at Beauty Bar in New York City.

There are so many ways to listen to Episode 22!

You can listen using the SoundCloud thingie above or by downloading here. Explore our SoundCloud and listen to past episodes here.

You can also: subscribe in iTunes, subscribe via RSS, or listen via Stitcher!