Season 4 Episode 2!

We’re getting into it REAL fast in Season 4 of David Tuchman’s brand-new translation of the Hebrew Bible.

This time around, Guest Ariana Katz reads about: Some remaining jobs, Extremely bad relationship advice! What to do if you hate shaving and grapes!

Check out Ariana’s podcast Kaddish while you wait for more OMGWTFBIBLE.

There are so many ways to listen to the latest episode!

You can listen using the SoundCloud thingie above or by downloading here. Explore our SoundCloud and listen to past episodes here.

You can also: subscribe in iTunes, subscribe via RSS, or listen via Stitcher!

Season 4 Episode 1!

And we’re back! Season 4 and IT IS A DOOZY! This episode has been stuck in the vault for over a year but now it can be RELEASED!

Guest Sandy Fox reads about: Desert jobs! Who gets to carry which flag! How many people there are!

Check out Sandy’s podcast VAYBERTAYTSH while you wait for more OMGWTFBIBLE, coming NEXT WEEK!

There are so many ways to listen to Episode 42!

You can listen using the SoundCloud thingie above or by downloading here. Explore our SoundCloud and listen to past episodes here.

You can also: subscribe in iTunes, subscribe via RSS, or listen via Stitcher!

Porn Lady Reads the Shulchan Aruch (NSFW)

Screen shot 2014-08-19 at 8.03.40 PM

The Shulchan Aruch is a massive anthology of Jewish law (aka halacha) compiled in 1565 in Venice by Rabbi Joseph Karo that is still considered authoritative by many Jewish sects. It is also a prop in this porn clip for some reason.

Perhaps the volume was sitting around whatever house this was filmed in and the producers thought it would make a clever intro to the sexytimes. But the actors’ ad-libs raise more questions that they should. Such as:

  • Is Liv Aguilera’s character pretending to read Hebrew or did her in-laws really teach it to her as she claims? She does know when it’s upside-down!
  • Who are her in-laws?
  • Are they her husband’s family?
  • Did she convert to marry him?
  • If she’s married, why is she having sex with this random dude whose relationship to her is never explained? Is she in an open relationship?
  • Which volume of the Shulchan Aruch is she reading?
  • Does she have a chavruta (study partner)? Does she want one?

I don’t have the answers to these questions. But I do have the very NSFW video, linked below the fold.

Continue reading

Here Is A Boy In A Kippa Making Dick Jokes

Ok, sure! I could write something cute here about upending expectations based on appearances or about a Modern Orthodox kid telling these jokes to Howard Stern and Howie Mandel or about how there are only three jokes but instead I’ll just leave you with my favorite piece of this:

“I love comedians!” – Heidi Klum

It’s 2014! Where’s My Jewish Robot?

Like this grave would fit Optimus Prime.

Now that a computer has passed the Turing test (kind of), it’s time to start asking the really tough questions, like “Can a robot convert to Judaism?”, “Can a robot count in a minyan?” and “I’m a friend of Sarah Connor. Could I see her please?” Over at JTA, Adam Soclof and Rabbi Mark Goldfeder have your answers.

For the purposes of this discussion, I would accept the position of the Jerusalem Talmud in the third chapter of Tractate Niddah that when you are dealing with a creature that does not conform to the simple definition of “humanness” — i.e. born from a human mother or at least possessing human DNA, but it appears to have human characteristics and is doing human things — one examines the context to determine if it is human. When something looks human and acts human, to the point that I think it might be human, then halachah might consider the threshold to have been crossed.

 

This makes sense from a Jewish ethical perspective as well. Oftentimes Jewish ethics are about the actor, not the one being acted upon. If I see something that for all intents and purposes looks human, I cannot start poking it to see if it bleeds. I have a responsibility to treat all that seem human as humans, and it is better to err on the side of caution from an ethical perspective.

 

It…kind of sounds like robots can be Jewish. If that’s the case, I can’t wait to attend my first Bot Mitzvah.

Nun Sings Flashdance, Wins Big Contest

Isn’t it crazy that only 20 years ago, if a singing nun won “The Voice of Italy” or whatever singing competition TV show we had back then, you wouldn’t hear about it until days later? Back in good ol’ 1994, you wouldn’t be able to immediately watch video of that nun singing “What A Feeling” from Flashdance? I mean, maybe you’d see it eventually, but it’d be on a weird video site called “Uncle Bobby’s Crazy Things” and it’d be a grainy realvideo file that you downloaded in a zip along with Arnold Schwarzenneger’s Japanese TV commercials and the unaired episodes of David Lynch’s sitcom. Also, this nun would’ve been 5 years old back then. It’s pretty wonderful that we live in world with ready access to so many insane things.

Here are some brief notes on this video.

  1. If our civilization is completely wiped out and this video is the only remaining artifact, I think future generations will actually do a pretty good job of piecing together how we lived
  2. Sister Cristina Scuccia’s English is very good. The only song I know in Italian is “Volare” and I’m pretty sure that’s not even what it’s called
  3. I really like #SisterAx. That is very clever.
  4. The nuns dancing in the audience are amazing. I am fascinated by the way they’re dancing. It’s almost as though they’re experiencing a never-felt joy that’s trying to burst through bones and joints that haven’t moved this loosely in ages
  5. The Times is already worried winning this singing contest will lead Sister Cristina to abandon Jesus: “The bigger question mark in a country where some polls suggest that a majority of Italian women aspire to television fame is whether success will go to the head of the 25-year-old nun, possibly leading her astray from her calling.”
  6. Also, what kind of polls are these? Television fame? Why are Italian woman aiming so low? Why not movies?

Also, here’s another video:

 

Listen to Episode 19 on Jewcy

This is totally what Pharoah looked like back in the day.

Episode 19 is now available on Jewcy!

This month, Rabbi Joshua Yuter joined me as we read chapters 42-44. When we started, Joseph was stuck in jail. By the end of the episode, through some very unlikely dream analysis, Joseph ends up running the show in Egypt. Along the way, Rabbi Yuter and I discussed an Orthodox approach to Biblical criticism, what Pharaoh’s birthday parties must have been like, and alternate analyses of Pharaoh’s dreams.

Here’s my attempt to modernize the interpretation of those dreams:

At that point, people saw dreams as either telling about a thing that had happened, reflecting a thing that’s going on right now, or as predicting the future. And people immediately say “OK what does this dream predict?” Which is not something that we do. Now we tend to think of dreams as reflecting a vulnerability, reflecting our unconscious. So I thought about that and tried to figure out what, if we were to use that kind of analysis, what Pharaoh’s unconscious might be saying.

What was Rabbi Yuter’s analysis? Listen to find out. But not here! Head on over to Jewcy.com to listen there, the ONLY place on the Internet you can get new episodes of OMGWTFBIBLE. Until tomorrow.