Episode 39!

Rules! Rules! Rules! Rules! Who doesn’t love rules? Especially ones that have led to millennia of persecution? Not me! And not David Tuchman and Stephanie Butnick either, who read soooooooo much in this jam-packed episode of David’s delightful new translation of the entire Hebrew Bible, butt stuff included.

There are so many ways to listen to Episode 39!

You can listen using the SoundCloud thingie above or by downloading here. Explore our SoundCloud and listen to past episodes here.

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Tofu Turns You Gay, According to Yeshiva

This Rabbi definitely doesn’t eat Tofu. No sirree.

Taking a page from the Ron Swanson Book of Culinary Arts, Gur hasids in Brooklyn have banned soy products from their yeshiva over fears it might make younger students too hot and sexy and lady-like, turning on older students and Rabbis. Seriously. According to FailedMessiah.com:

Gur has now banned soy products like veggie hot dogs from its yeshivas due rabbis’ fears that the hormones in soy foods will cause the bodies of young teen students to become feminine in appearance and thereby cause their rabbis and older students to become sexually aroused seeing them.

Eating extremely large amounts of soy products on a daily basis over a very prolonged period of time can in some cases cause men to begin to develop breasts. But the amount of soy needed to be consumed for that to happen is well beyond the amount an average person would ever consume, and even then the reaction is rare.


UPDATE: This is BS, probably!


Hey, remember when the Rabbinical Council of California was going to certify lube as kosher? Just kidding!

In a statement on their homepage (screenshot below), the RCC has announced that since “the intended uses of these items as now revealed, was misunderstood,” they will not be certifying Wet lube after all!

lube ain't kosher

RCC’s very slippery lube statement

Um, did they not know lube was for sex?

Rabbi David Wolpe, Being Awesome

Because Conservative Judaism know which millennium it is, Rabbi David Wolpe, of the prestigious 107-year-old Sinai Temple in California, announced this week he’ll allow same-sex marriages to be performed at his temple now that it’s finally legal again out there.

Not everyone at Sinai Temple is embracing this move. A congregant named M. Michael Naim took issue with the fact that, you know, man-on-man action is forbidden in the Torah:

“Homosexuality is explicitly condemned in Scripture and has been categorically and passionately rejected by all classical Jewish legal and ethical thinkers as a cardinal vice in the same category as incest, murder and idolatry.”


The Times article goes on for a bit about the culture clash between slightly-more homophobic Persian Jews and the other congregants at Sinai Temple. But here’s the money quote from Rabbi Wolpe’s original statement:

“Our clergy believe that this decision is in the best tradition of the Conservative movement which views the Torah as a living document that allows room for new understandings and approaches. As we have modernized the role of women and many other practices, the demand on the part of our brothers and sisters who are gay to be able to live in a sanctified relationship is a call to our conscience and our responsibility as Jews.”



Behold! Chapter 7 of OMGWTFBIBLE with Lonnie Mann is now available!!

In which all sorts of sexy things (and one very unsexy one) happen

There are so many ways to listen!

Direct link is here.

You can also: subscribe in iTunes, subscribe via RSS, or listen via Stitcher!