Episode 29.2 is Out Now!

When we last left our heroes, David Tuchman and Mark Leuchter were in Raven Lounge in Philadelphia, reading about all the stuff God wanted in his desert tent. That’s right, they were halfway through “Terumah,” the seventh portion of Exodus, and growing weary of all of God’s very specific and confusing instructions.

Can they make it through? Can they finish episode 29.2, complete God’s directions, and find something remotely meaningful to talk about in all this? Find out on the next episode of OMGWTFBIBLE, available right here, right now!

There are so many ways to listen to Episode 29.2!

You can listen using the SoundCloud thingie above or by downloading here. Explore our SoundCloud and listen to past episodes here.

You can also: subscribe in iTunes, subscribe via RSS, or listen via Stitcher!

Episode 29.1 is Out Now!

OMGWTFBIBLE with David Tuchman has hit Philadelphia! On February 25th, David was joined by Temple professor Mark Leuchter at Raven Lounge in Philly to read “Terumah,” the seventh portion in Exodus next to a stripper pole. Among other things, they discussed Professor Leuchter’s love of guitars, his approach to the Bible, and why in the world God spent so much time on building directions.

That’s right, building directions. In episode 29.1, with all those pesky laws out of the way, God spends a great deal of time describing some stuff he wants made. Is it interesting? Are there any questions that can be asked about this? Why is it in the Bible in the first place? Listen and find out. Maybe.

There are so many ways to listen to Episode 29.1!

You can listen using the SoundCloud thingie above or by downloading here. Explore our SoundCloud and listen to past episodes here.

You can also: subscribe in iTunes, subscribe via RSS, or listen via Stitcher!

Episode 28.2 is Out Now!

Have you ever wondered about the appropriate liquids in which to boil kid goats? Thirsty to know when the best time to go to the bathroom is? Do not fear! The Bible, as rewritten by David Tuchman, is here to answer your obscurest questions!

In episode 28.2 of OMGWTFBIBLE, David is joined by Sha James to read the second half of “Mishpatim,” the sixth portion in Exodus. And, oh my, is it a doozy. Episode 28.2 is pretty hard to put into words, especially because it’s really all over the place, so you may as well just start listening right now.

There are so many ways to listen to Episode 28.2!

You can listen using the SoundCloud thingie above or by downloading here. Explore our SoundCloud and listen to past episodes here.

You can also: subscribe in iTunes, subscribe via RSS, or listen via Stitcher!

Nevermind

Hey, remember when the Rabbinical Council of California was going to certify lube as kosher? Just kidding!

In a statement on their homepage (screenshot below), the RCC has announced that since “the intended uses of these items as now revealed, was misunderstood,” they will not be certifying Wet lube after all!

lube ain't kosher

RCC’s very slippery lube statement

Um, did they not know lube was for sex?

Important Sexy Kosher News

Anal lube

Wet’s very cleverly-named anal lube

Good news, everyone! After a 2-year process, the Rabbinical Council of California has given kosher certification to a whole slew of personal lubricants from a company called Wet. Because up to this point, observant Jews have been relying on regular old naturally-occuring sex juices and saliva?

Coming on the heels of the recent rabbinical OK of medicinal marijuana, I predict a renaissance in never-ending Orthodox Jewish stoned sex. And just in time for Tu B’av!

Smoke Your Marijuanikah

Screen shot 2013-07-12 at 10.18.11 AMYou can all rest easy. Finally, finally, an Orthodox Rabbi has declare that marijuana is kosher. Of course, he feels it should only be used to relieve pain, and using it to “escape this world in any excessive way is certainly forbidden.” Well, duh. Nobody should escape the world excessively. Always in moderation.

And, according to Rabbi Efraim Zalmanovich, who made this decree, if you provide cannabis to someone who’s using it to relieve “the pain of being a man” (to quote the late Dr. Johnson), well then that’s a mitzvah. Presumably, if one tunes into Episode 9 right before, that’s a double-mitzvah.

No word yet on whether it’s acceptable to toke up on Tisha B’av.

<h/t: Heeb>

 

Breaking: Jews Like Booze

Did you know that Jews like whiskey? It is true! Jews like whiskey! A lot of my early Jewish memories are closely tied to whiskey. Every holiday and wedding and Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah featured whiskey. And not just any whiskey, but good whiskey. Single-malt Scotch Whiskey.

And Purim? Forget about it.

Anyway, I guess this was a secret? Something people didn’t know? Well, New York Times found out and wrote an article about the decades-old trend, covering a new WhiskyFest-related event called “Whisky Jewbilee:”

The bond with whiskey goes way back. Mr. Blashka said early Jewish immigrants to America, unable to trust the provenance of local wines, turned to certain distilled liquors, including whiskey. “Because the wine was an issue, typically spirits was their avenue for drinking,” he said.

It’s a good thing whiskey wasn’t mentioned in the Torah!

As recent decades have ushered in a revival in Scotch, bourbon and other whiskeys, Jews, like many other groups, have moved beyond the usual blends and have developed more sophisticated tastes. “Now we have many whiskeys that we know are kosher,” said Rabbi Aaron Raskin of Congregation B’nai Avraham in Brooklyn Heights, whose preferred whiskey is the smoky Laphroaig, a single malt from Islay. “It is used to add to our joy.”

But really, Rabbi Raskin, what’s the real reason you’re so excited about all this whiskey?

“And it helps attendance at synagogues,” he added.

I can only imagine that this news will only increase the mourning on Tisha B’av.

<h/t: Heeb>