Good news, everyone! After a 2-year process, the Rabbinical Council of California has given kosher certification to a whole slew of personal lubricants from a company called Wet. Because up to this point, observant Jews have been relying on regular old naturally-occuring sex juices and saliva?
Coming on the heels of the recent rabbinical OK of medicinal marijuana, I predict a renaissance in never-ending Orthodox Jewish stoned sex. And just in time for Tu B’av!
You can all rest easy. Finally, finally, an Orthodox Rabbi has declare that marijuana is kosher. Of course, he feels it should only be used to relieve pain, and using it to “escape this world in any excessive way is certainly forbidden.” Well, duh. Nobody should escape the world excessively. Always in moderation.
And, according to Rabbi Efraim Zalmanovich, who made this decree, if you provide cannabis to someone who’s using it to relieve “the pain of being a man” (to quote the late Dr. Johnson), well then that’s a mitzvah. Presumably, if one tunes into Episode 9 right before, that’s a double-mitzvah.
No word yet on whether it’s acceptable to toke up on Tisha B’av.