Behold! Episode 13 of OMGWTFBIBLE with Adam Bozarth is now available!!
This episode was recorded at the amazing Magnet Theater, where you should go and watch shows at and take all the classes with.
There are so many ways to listen to Episode 13!
You can listen in YouTube above or here.
Direct link is here.
You can also: subscribe in iTunes, subscribe via RSS, or listen via Stitcher!
Did you find out about OMGWTFBIBLE somewhere around episode 10 and listening to the whole thing seems a bit daunting? Wish you could catch up without listening to all 12 episodes? Now you can!
Introducing: Just the Bible Bits!
These king-sized episodes feature just the Bible readings from the first year of the show. Just the Bible Bits Part 1 is now available here and in the iTunes store. The first section contains chapter 1-6 and is just over 90 minutes. Part 2 will probably be around that long too.
Also, if you’ve been listening from the start and haven’t been able to cajole your friends/Rabbis/great-grandparents into giving this thing a shot, Just the Bible Bits is the perfect way for them to start. It’s chock-full of Bible goodness and total insanity!
Behold! Episode 12 of OMGWTFBIBLE with Elissa Goldstein is now available!!
This episode was recorded at 2A, which is an awesome place and also hosts the great Fiction Addiction series. You should go there if you’re in town!
There are so many ways to listen to Episode 12!
You can listen in YouTube above or here.
Direct link is here.
You can also: subscribe in iTunes, subscribe via RSS, or listen via Stitcher!
Remember Matthew Stillman, author of that erotic version of Genesis? Well, some jerk decided to track him down and spraypaint “Blasphmy” on his stoop. Please don’t do this to me! Also, the only blasphemy here is the missing “e”.
(Picture from DNAinfo.)
In this interview in the Forward, those Hasidic guys who bug people on the streets of New York asking if they’re Jewish explain how they know who’s Jewish and who’s not:
First, said Yisroel, “we call it ‘racial profiling.’ Who looks Jewish?” (When asked to clarify later, Yisroel says it’s not about the nose — a “broad, clear forehead with no creases” indicates a non-Jew, while Jews’ foreheads are sometimes lined.) Next is detecting a subtle vibe of recognition, a process that Levi calls “bageling.” Third is playing the statistics game. One out of every five people in New York City are Jewish, said Yisroel. If you exclude African Americans and Asians, your odds are closer to one in three.
I’m not sure what “bageling” is, but I claim to have a very highly-attuned Jewdar. Mostly, if a girl is wearing long sleeves under a short sleeve shirt in the summer, or a group of non-athletic guys is wearing baseball caps, they’re probably Jewish. Or, if a guy looks anything like me, he’s probably Jewish.
As you may have noticed from the podcast, there’s some pretty crazy sex stuff that goes on in Genesis. You know, like girls raping their dad and 3-year olds getting sold to old men. Matthew Stillman noticed it too, and he noticed the beauty in some of the more pleasant sex scenes, so he decided to rewrite the King James Version of Genesis into an erotic novel called Genesis Deflowered.
Here’s a little sample.
And it came to pass, that, when Abram was come into Egypt, the Egyptians beheld the woman that she was very fair. The princes also of Pharaoh saw her, and commended her before Pharaoh: and the woman was taken into Pharaoh’s house. And Sarai kept Abram safe by her hand. The Pharaoh craved to know the secrets under the skins of Sarai, and to see her beg for the pleasures of her thighs. And the ochre in her eyes enflamed Pharaoh. And Pharaoh did use his crook upon her. And Sarai ventured to show her fervour when she clasped the Pharaoh. And with flail and crook did they know each other unto the day. And the welts upon their backs and thighs were cooled by kisses; and kisses did cool the welts. Sarai bit upon his crook with ardour; and he brought seed from within Sarai, and watered it. And Abram did keep watch, and abide by them in the night. His staff stood in secret for Sarai. And so Pharaoh entreated Abram well for her sake: and he had sheep, and oxen, and he asses, and menservants, and maidservants, and she asses, and camels.
Compare that with my version:
When Abram got to Egypt, the Egyptians saw that Sarai was just crazy hot. Pharaoh’s officers saw Sarai and told Pharoah how bonetastic she was. They took her to the house of Pharaoh, rewarding Avraham very well for her. They gave him sheep, oxen, donkeys, male slaves, female slaves, lady-donkeys, and camels.
Be honest. Which gets you hotter?
<h/t: Friendly Atheist>
Time is hard. It’s really easy to say something like “Earth is 4.5 billion years old” or “language has been around for more than 50,000 years” but comprehending what that means take a serious cognitive leap. wait but why posted these lovely timelines that fill one with an unrelenting sense of awe at how minuscule our lives really are.
This timeline is pretty relevant for OMGWTFBIBLE. See that little pink bit on the right that’s labeled “recorded history?” Supposedly, the Bible began and was written around the beginning of that period (though historians will tell you it was compiled and canonized much later). But as you can see, there’s a whole lot more to time than that. And a lot of stuff going on before the world was created. Language! Civilization! Walking!
Yom Kippur is tonight. Most of you probably know that means observant Jews will stop eating, drinking, bathing, fucking, and wearing hedonistic leather and head to synagogue for the next 25 hours to pray their guts out. What you might not know is that some of them will be swinging live chickens over their heads to atone for their sins in a ritual call kapparot.
If you’re a bit weirded out it’s because the custom is a bit weird. Episode 5 guest Esther Werdiger, who hangs out somewhere on the Orthodox spectrum, grabbled with this ritual in a beautiful post on Tablet:
I’ve done kapparot in gardens, slaughterhouses, city streets, and shul parking lots. I’ve done it with my family, with other peoples’ families, with friends, and alone. I’ve done it during the day, before sunrise, and in the middle of the night. I’ve followed the ritual with vows to never eat chicken again, and I’ve also followed the ritual with a meal of chicken. But the thing is, I hate kapparot. It’s a jarring and nauseating experience—extremely unpleasant, to say the least.
For Esther, kapparot is an incredibly complicated practice. It’s at once extremely upsetting, an entree into the world of ethical consumption, and a way to connect with the vanishing past of her lineage. But don’t take my word for it, go read the article.
If you’ve been listening, you shouldn’t be surprised that God is kind of a cheeky character.
Happy Jewish New Year! If you’ve not heard of Rosh Hashanah, this is the Onion article for you:
Jews to Celebrate Rosh Hashana or Something
JERUSALEM—Jews the world over are preparing to celebrate Rosh Hashanukah or something this weekend, the traditional Jewish holiday marking some sort of rebirth and new beginning, or maybe the Jews’ liberation from some foreign ruler 55,000 years ago. “Rash Kishansha is a very holy time for the Jewish people,” said Paul Castellano, a guy from Houston whose gastroenterologist is Jewish. “I think Dr. Futterman said it’s the holiday where they light that chandelier and blow that horn.” Lasting 12 days, Ran Hosea is followed by Yor Kiplach, the Festival of Sand, during which no buttered bread may be eaten in remembrance of the flooding of the ancient Temple of Hosea.
Meanwhile, I continue to plug away at editing In the Beginning and getting the next episodes ready. And planning our big Year 2 extravaganza in October. Big things coming down the line!
OMGWTFBIBLE 