My Bible Won’t Have Obama in It

I know, I know. I still have to watch this somehow unstreamable show and live-tweet it. THIS WILL HAPPEN.

(Courtesy CBS)

Anyway, some folks are freaking out because in the most recent episode of The History Channel’s The Bible, the character of Satan sorta kinda looked a lot like President Barack Obama. Whoops! I guarantee, my Bible will not feature any presidents, past or present.

David Brooks Discovers Hasids

I don’t have much to say about David Brooks’ kinda weird walking tour of Midwood Jews, but this stuck out to me:

Nationwide, only 21 percent of non-Orthodox Jews between the ages of 18 and 29 are married. But an astounding 71 percent of Orthodox Jews are married at that age. And they are having four and five kids per couple. In the New York City area, for example, the Orthodox make up 32 percent of Jews over all. But the Orthodox make up 61 percent of Jewish children. Because the Orthodox are so fertile, in a few years, they will be the dominant group in New York Jewry.

Um, David, by “Because the Orthodox are so fertile” you meant “Because the Orthodox prohibit pre-marital sex and believe birth control is immoral,” but I guess that’s just splitting hairs.

World’s Oldest Rap

Check it out! Someone posted the entire King James Version of the bible on RapGenius, a site where Internet folk dissect and analyze rap lyrics. I can only assume that the only reason they didn’t use my translation is because it’s not finished yet.

Now!

Who wants to sign up there are start adding OMGWTFBIBLE jokes?

Protecting Judaism from Itself

Rabbi David Hartman passed away this weekend and I’m pretty bummed that I’d never heard of him before today. From this piece in Tablet, I’ve learned that, like me, Rabbi Hartman grew up a self-described “yeshiva boy” until, according to the article, he “started to read.” Then, he became the kind of rabbi whose ideology seems very much in line with the goal of OMGWTFBIBLE:

His Orthodox critics never understood that his criticism and creative reinterpretations of the tradition were not offered out of religious spite, or a desire to lead their adherents astray, but to protect Judaism and the Jewish people from them—from Orthodoxy’s corrupting distortions of the tradition, from their claims to exclusive authenticity. He knew the Orthodox leadership’s perpetual constrictions, prohibitions, and negative pronouncements left precious little room for modern Jews to find or create a meaningful Judaism for themselves. In that sense, he saw the Orthodox establishment as robbing the majority of the world’s Jews of access to their birthright.

I feel like the Old Testament (and I use that name because when I say this I’m not just referring to Jews) is, whether we believe in it or not, as much our birthright and heritage as Milton, Shakespeare, Austen, or any other massively influential literary work. If you like, you could call OMGWTFBIBLE a reclamation of that heritage. It’s a reading of Judaism’s foundational text in a way that, to me, feels meaningful and alive.

Again, from Tablet:

He felt tortured by the fact that the tradition had become the jurisdiction of fundamentalists, on whom it was mostly lost. He favored a more open-ended approach to religious life in which Jewish practice is treated as an open-ended field of experimentation. “I don’t want order!” I can remember him shouting. “I want vibrancy, passion, people to have a stake in it, lay claim to it, feel it’s theirs, it doesn’t belong to anybody else. There’s plenty of order in a graveyard.”

I can only hope that Rabbi Hartman might see this project as my laying claim to this vibrant tradition.

Religion in the Internet Age

There’s a conversation that’s spread through the ‘net recently about how religious observance is dipping among kids these days. Over the first decade of this century, those reporting no religious affiliation in a Pew study rose sharply, reaching 46 million in 2012. Unsurprisingly, the 18-29 age group posts the highest rate of respondents who have no stated religious preference.

Continue reading

A Bible for the Bible Belt

Holy Bible: Stock Car Racing Edition

Over the holiday break, friend of the show Poncho Peligroso discovered this gem in Texas: the Stock Car Racing Edition of the Holy Bible. In amending the bible to appeal to alternate audiences, it’s kinda like what we’re doing, but OMGWTFBIBLE has a lot fewer car crashes.

I haven’t read it, so I imagine in this version the cross is covered in corporate logos and Jesus is resurrected with the help of a pit crew but I could be wrong. Check out an interior page below:

Get this party started