Ok, sure! I could write something cute here about upending expectations based on appearances or about a Modern Orthodox kid telling these jokes to Howard Stern and Howie Mandel or about how there are only three jokes but instead I’ll just leave you with my favorite piece of this:
“I love comedians!” – Heidi Klum
In just a few hours, Book One of OMGWTFBIBLE will be ending live tonight at Beauty Bar in Manhattan. There will be a ton of guests at this show! It will be crazy! There will be exciting surprises! Food! Hebrew! If you live anywhere near New York, don’t miss it!
OMGWTFBIBLE Episode 22 Live
Beauty Bar
231 E. 14th Street
June 23, 8PM
$FREE$
21+
There will be food.
On the other hand, this could just be an ancient dick-measuring contest.
According to Open Culture, the above is a lovely color illustration of the oldest known depiction of dick decapitation, a bas relief discovered in Egypt (shown below). Apparently, the image dates back to 2400 B.C.E, which would predate the story of Abraham by only a few centuries.
Since Open Culture already did the research on this, I’ll just tell you more of what they said about the history of circumcision. Apparently, Egyptian remains as far back as 4,000 B.C.E. show evidence of the practice. Aren’t you glad iPhones exist? Human beings came up with some really weird crap without smartphones to distract us.
According to an essay Open Culture dug up, circumcision happened to a whole bunch of people at once back in the 23rd century B.C.E., not to one poor baby at a time. This is a dude named “Uha”:
“When I was circumcised, together with one hundred and twenty men, there was none thereof who hit out, there was none thereof who was hit, and there was none thereof who scratched and there was none thereof who was scratched.”
Circumcision parties: the original Sausage Fests.
Yikes.
<h/t: Tablet Magazine, Elif Batuman, Bibliphilia>
Valerie Tarico has an interesting article at Salon in which she asks prominent atheists and anti-theists for their favorite Bible verse. Why? Well, as Tarico so compelling describes the Bible:
[Our] ancestors struggled with important questions that we still struggle with today: What is real? What is good? What is the meaning in our lives? How can we embrace love, joy, peace and wonder? How should we live in community with each other? The texts that were gathered into the Bible offer fragmentary glimpses of how that struggle evolved over the course of hundreds of years.
The writers were Iron Age tribesmen, members of a cruel and misogynistic society. They got a lot of things wrong. But they also got some very basic and beautiful things right. As is the case with many texts, both ancient and modern, those who have the fortitude to sift through the rubble can find real gems.
There are bunch of good ones in the article, but these are my favorite Old Testament quotes:
Social justice and community activism are central themes of the Bible. It is imperative that we not forget those who are in need and are voiceless. We live amongst those who are in need, it is in our best interest to ensure that their needs are met. Two of my favorite verses are Jeremiah 22:3 “This is what the Lord says: Do what is just and right. Rescue from the hand of the oppressor the one who has been robbed. Do no wrong or violence to the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow, and do not shed innocent blood in this place.” Proverbs 29:7 “The righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern.”
—Kim Veal, Black FreeThinkers& People of Color Beyond Faith
Though it is quite unspectacular, the biblical passage that has long shaped my approach to life is Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turneth away wrath.” I hate needless friction and conflict with others. I much prefer to get along with people, not to antagonize them with caustic comments or stinging responses. Otherwise, you’re just “putting out the fire with gasoline.” I always look to say the reconciling, tactful word. I have to be honest. I don’t butter people up. I sure don’t mind being scathing in my responses to bad apologetics arguments. But I try not to make it personal. I’d prefer to keep things respectful and friendly. And this stance stems from that passage of scripture.
—Robert M. Price, The Bible Geek webcast
There are many Bible verses that extol peace, justice, honesty, mercy, wisdom, altruism, and other basic human virtues, and in fact, I’ve written a whole article about verses I find excellent. Here is one that stands out: “And six years thou shalt sow thy land… But the seventh year thou shalt let it rest and lie still; that the poor of thy people may eat: and what they leave the beasts of the field shall eat. In like manner thou shalt deal with thy vineyard, and with thy olive yard.” —Exodus 23:10-11 (KJV) The idea of empathy contained in the verse is even sufficiently broad to encompass wild animals – an important sign that its writer was thinking in terms of all-encompassing principles rather than simple reciprocity. It takes an enlightened spirit to have compassion even on birds and beasts.
—Adam Lee, Daylight Atheism
That last one really stand out to me. I’ve been translating Exodus recently and was blown away by how much chapter 23 seems to be about social justice. If I had to choose my favorite verse (so far), it’d be Exodus 23:1-2 (NIV).
“Do not spread false reports. Do not help a guilty person by being a malicious witness. Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong. When you give testimony in a lawsuit, do not pervert justice by siding with the crowd.”
What’s your favorite verse? Let me know in the comments!
Like this grave would fit Optimus Prime.
Now that a computer has passed the Turing test (kind of), it’s time to start asking the really tough questions, like “Can a robot convert to Judaism?”, “Can a robot count in a minyan?” and “I’m a friend of Sarah Connor. Could I see her please?” Over at JTA, Adam Soclof and Rabbi Mark Goldfeder have your answers.
For the purposes of this discussion, I would accept the position of the Jerusalem Talmud in the third chapter of Tractate Niddah that when you are dealing with a creature that does not conform to the simple definition of “humanness” — i.e. born from a human mother or at least possessing human DNA, but it appears to have human characteristics and is doing human things — one examines the context to determine if it is human. When something looks human and acts human, to the point that I think it might be human, then halachah might consider the threshold to have been crossed.
This makes sense from a Jewish ethical perspective as well. Oftentimes Jewish ethics are about the actor, not the one being acted upon. If I see something that for all intents and purposes looks human, I cannot start poking it to see if it bleeds. I have a responsibility to treat all that seem human as humans, and it is better to err on the side of caution from an ethical perspective.
It…kind of sounds like robots can be Jewish. If that’s the case, I can’t wait to attend my first Bot Mitzvah.
Isn’t it crazy that only 20 years ago, if a singing nun won “The Voice of Italy” or whatever singing competition TV show we had back then, you wouldn’t hear about it until days later? Back in good ol’ 1994, you wouldn’t be able to immediately watch video of that nun singing “What A Feeling” from Flashdance? I mean, maybe you’d see it eventually, but it’d be on a weird video site called “Uncle Bobby’s Crazy Things” and it’d be a grainy realvideo file that you downloaded in a zip along with Arnold Schwarzenneger’s Japanese TV commercials and the unaired episodes of David Lynch’s sitcom. Also, this nun would’ve been 5 years old back then. It’s pretty wonderful that we live in world with ready access to so many insane things.
Here are some brief notes on this video.
Also, here’s another video:
OMGWTFBIBLE is live on June 23!
There is no guest this month. This month, there are multitudes. Every guest who’s read Genesis so far will be back to read just a little bit more. It will be pretty wild and technically tricky.
OMGWTFBIBLE Episode 22 Live
Beauty Bar
231 E. 14th Street
June 23, 8PM
$FREE$
21+
There will be food.
Behold! Episode 21 of OMGWTFBIBLE with Michael Malice is now available!
This episode was recorded at Beauty Bar.
There are so many ways to listen to Episode 21!
You can listen using the embed above or here. OMGWTFBIBLE is now on SoundCloud! Explore our SoundCloud here.
You can also: subscribe in iTunes, subscribe via RSS, or listen via Stitcher!
Every month, OMGWTFBIBLE snags some pretty great guests. But there’s never enough time in the podcast to discuss everything our guests our up to. Our Meet The Guest series puts the spotlight on each month’s guest.
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Episode 21: Michael Malice
Michael Malice does not keep things to himself. As the subject of Harvey Pekar’s Ego & Hubris: The Michael Malice Story, he does not pull any punches about his family or his politics. As a co-founder of “Overheard in New York,” he shared snippets of conversation that would’ve otherwise disappeared with the world. He took on the persona of Kim Jong Il to write Dear Reader: The Unauthorized Autobiography of Kim Jong Il. And now he’s going to talk about the Bible.
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Update 4:32 PM
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