Season 4 Episode 7!

CURSES! Young adult author Zoraida Cordova joins David Tuchman to read his own personal translation of the Hebrew Bible and they just into a whole lot of magical mischief. There is a talking donkey and IT IS WEIRD.

Buy Zoraida’s book, “Bruja Born,” about witches in Brooklyn, here.

There are so many ways to listen to the latest episode!

You can listen using the SoundCloud thingie above or by downloading here. Explore our SoundCloud and listen to past episodes here.

You can also: subscribe in iTunes, subscribe via RSS, or listen via Stitcher!

Season 4 Episode 6!

Holy cow! Literally! Join David as he reads his own personal translation of the Hebrew Bible with guest Ahron Moeller. Together, they try to decipher just what the heck God was trying to get out in the early latter half of Numbers.

Also, there’s a whole weird thing about snakes.

There are so many ways to listen to the latest episode!

You can listen using the SoundCloud thingie above or by downloading here. Explore our SoundCloud and listen to past episodes here.

You can also: subscribe in iTunes, subscribe via RSS, or listen via Stitcher!

Season 4 Episode 5!

What is the secret origin of podcast host David Tuchman? How did he come to create OMGWTFBIBLE, his own personal translation of the Hebrew Bible?

Find out (maybe) as David has his father, Louis, on the podcast to read Korach, David’s bar mitzvah portion! It’s gonna get (a little) emotional!

There are so many ways to listen to the latest episode!

You can listen using the SoundCloud thingie above or by downloading here. Explore our SoundCloud and listen to past episodes here.

You can also: subscribe in iTunes, subscribe via RSS, or listen via Stitcher!

Season 4 Episode 4!

More OMGWTFBIBLE? Already? It’s too much!

Ever wonder exactly why those silly Hebrew spent 40 years in the desert? Find out in Episode 4, read by person of note Brian Levinson!

Want more? Check out Brian on Twitter!

There are so many ways to listen to the latest episode!

You can listen using the SoundCloud thingie above or by downloading here. Explore our SoundCloud and listen to past episodes here.

You can also: subscribe in iTunes, subscribe via RSS, or listen via Stitcher!

Season 4 Episode 3!

Ain’t no party like a comedy Bible party because a comedy Bible party is WEEKLY!

In Episode 3 of the season, David Tuchman is once again joined by a guest as they read from his extra-funny new translation of the entire Hebrew Bible.

This week’s guest, Ilana Strauss, reads about: God’s anger! Meat! More meat!

Check out Ilana on Twitter and read the things she’s written!

There are so many ways to listen to the latest episode!

You can listen using the SoundCloud thingie above or by downloading here. Explore our SoundCloud and listen to past episodes here.

You can also: subscribe in iTunes, subscribe via RSS, or listen via Stitcher!

Season 4 Episode 2!

We’re getting into it REAL fast in Season 4 of David Tuchman’s brand-new translation of the Hebrew Bible.

This time around, Guest Ariana Katz reads about: Some remaining jobs, Extremely bad relationship advice! What to do if you hate shaving and grapes!

Check out Ariana’s podcast Kaddish while you wait for more OMGWTFBIBLE.

There are so many ways to listen to the latest episode!

You can listen using the SoundCloud thingie above or by downloading here. Explore our SoundCloud and listen to past episodes here.

You can also: subscribe in iTunes, subscribe via RSS, or listen via Stitcher!

Season 4 Episode 1!

And we’re back! Season 4 and IT IS A DOOZY! This episode has been stuck in the vault for over a year but now it can be RELEASED!

Guest Sandy Fox reads about: Desert jobs! Who gets to carry which flag! How many people there are!

Check out Sandy’s podcast VAYBERTAYTSH while you wait for more OMGWTFBIBLE, coming NEXT WEEK!

There are so many ways to listen to Episode 42!

You can listen using the SoundCloud thingie above or by downloading here. Explore our SoundCloud and listen to past episodes here.

You can also: subscribe in iTunes, subscribe via RSS, or listen via Stitcher!

Porn Lady Reads the Shulchan Aruch (NSFW)

Screen shot 2014-08-19 at 8.03.40 PM

The Shulchan Aruch is a massive anthology of Jewish law (aka halacha) compiled in 1565 in Venice by Rabbi Joseph Karo that is still considered authoritative by many Jewish sects. It is also a prop in this porn clip for some reason.

Perhaps the volume was sitting around whatever house this was filmed in and the producers thought it would make a clever intro to the sexytimes. But the actors’ ad-libs raise more questions that they should. Such as:

  • Is Liv Aguilera’s character pretending to read Hebrew or did her in-laws really teach it to her as she claims? She does know when it’s upside-down!
  • Who are her in-laws?
  • Are they her husband’s family?
  • Did she convert to marry him?
  • If she’s married, why is she having sex with this random dude whose relationship to her is never explained? Is she in an open relationship?
  • Which volume of the Shulchan Aruch is she reading?
  • Does she have a chavruta (study partner)? Does she want one?

I don’t have the answers to these questions. But I do have the very NSFW video, linked below the fold.

Continue reading

Here Is A Boy In A Kippa Making Dick Jokes

Ok, sure! I could write something cute here about upending expectations based on appearances or about a Modern Orthodox kid telling these jokes to Howard Stern and Howie Mandel or about how there are only three jokes but instead I’ll just leave you with my favorite piece of this:

“I love comedians!” – Heidi Klum

It’s 2014! Where’s My Jewish Robot?

Like this grave would fit Optimus Prime.

Now that a computer has passed the Turing test (kind of), it’s time to start asking the really tough questions, like “Can a robot convert to Judaism?”, “Can a robot count in a minyan?” and “I’m a friend of Sarah Connor. Could I see her please?” Over at JTA, Adam Soclof and Rabbi Mark Goldfeder have your answers.

For the purposes of this discussion, I would accept the position of the Jerusalem Talmud in the third chapter of Tractate Niddah that when you are dealing with a creature that does not conform to the simple definition of “humanness” — i.e. born from a human mother or at least possessing human DNA, but it appears to have human characteristics and is doing human things — one examines the context to determine if it is human. When something looks human and acts human, to the point that I think it might be human, then halachah might consider the threshold to have been crossed.

 

This makes sense from a Jewish ethical perspective as well. Oftentimes Jewish ethics are about the actor, not the one being acted upon. If I see something that for all intents and purposes looks human, I cannot start poking it to see if it bleeds. I have a responsibility to treat all that seem human as humans, and it is better to err on the side of caution from an ethical perspective.

 

It…kind of sounds like robots can be Jewish. If that’s the case, I can’t wait to attend my first Bot Mitzvah.